Default Setting: a value that a program or operating system assumes, or a course of action that a program or operating system will take, when the user or programmer specifies no overriding value or action.
What is your default setting?
We usually hear about the term “default” in connection to computers or school loans. But I’m referring to your PERSONAL default setting i.e. your mental, emotional, and physical settings. When you’re stressed, what do you do? Do you do what you’ve always done? Here’s an example: it’s the first day of the new year and you’ve resolved to implement a new health regimen this year, and this time you mean it. You’re determined to lose the weight, gain the muscle, quit smoking, start eating healthy, meditate, do yoga, wake up early, go to bed early, and so on. Around March you look in the mirror angry at yourSELF because you went to the gym for about two weeks, went back to eating sugar and carbs by the last week of January, cut back to two cigarettes per day but are still smoking, and you’re waking up early because you have to get to work but you’re still not going to sleep until after 1AM, and find yourSELF sleeping in past 10AM on the weekends.
What happened? You were committed, you wrote down your goals, you swore to yourSELF that you would do these things and yet, you feel like you’re right back where you started. And so now begins the assault of SELF criticism: loser, failure, weak, wishy washy, flaky, etc etc ad nauseum..some of us are better at this stage than others.
I’m here to tell you, you are none of those things. I’m also here to tell you that we all have our default settings, so don’t be ashamed of yours.
Think of a path through a forest. One person walks on the path and it won’t change the path, but if people continue to walk the same route then the path will become more defined, and it will get easier for people to travel that path. The forest is your brain and that well worn path is like your default setting with habits and patterns well traveled. And you can continue using those paths if it’s bringing joy to your life. But if it isn’t then it’s time to forge new paths. Neuroplasticity is the idea that “the brain continually adjusts and reorganizes.” Research has shown that not only does the brain do this on its own, but meditation is being proven as a powerful tool for facilitating these changes.
This has huge implications for brain injuries and trauma, but there are many ways we can all benefit from the brain’s ability to do this. Learn more about the science and research behind neuroplasticity HERE, it’s truly fascinating.
But the question remains, what to do about it?
The first step is to be patient with yourSELF about your default settings. There is never a need to be hypercritical or to beat yourSELF up over it. It’s simply the way that you’ve learned to cope and navigate the world in a way that protects you emotionally. And that’s ok. However, the goal is to reset the defaults if they are no longer serving your highest good. We all find ways to cope with the world around us at different times in our lives, so just breathe and let yourSELF know that it’s ok that you developed these defenses. Say thank you to your brain and highest SELF for protecting you, you needed have these emotions for whatever reason at the time, and your brain (and ego) did a wonderful job of fulfilling its obligation to serve and protect you. But, as we grow and change so do our needs and what served you at one point may no longer be serving you and the time has come to release those settings..
The second step is awareness. Become aware of your default settings so that you can identify when you’re slipping into them. If you are a “glass half empty” person, acknowledge that as a pessimistic mindset so that you know that when something happens there is the potential to go to that pessimistic place. If you’re someone that has a tendency to want to hide from people and the world when you’re upset, acknowledge that. The idea is to become SELF aware and begin to observe your patterns and habits. We cannot change an aspect of the SELF that we are not willing to acknowledge exists.
How do we become more aware of our default setting? Step three: Don’t run. Set aside a time (at least 15 minutes) everyday or every other day or once a week to sit with yourSELF, quietly, and observe. As you think about your day, how do you feel? When you think about your job, how do you feel? Emotions will come up, and they won’t always feel good. But they’re there to show you something, teach you something. Thank them.
And lastly, once we become aware of our default settings then we can begin to work with them. Exercises and techniques like journaling, breath work and deep belly breathing, as well as emotional release techniques can help to calm us and provide space to process what we’re feeling. There is also professional therapy, do not be afraid to see if it may work for you, there’s nothing wrong with seeking the help of a professional to help us get a better understanding of how we’re feeling. There are also alternative treatment modalities like Reiki, Massage, Crystal Therapy, Essential Oils, and more that can provide you with a sense of groundedness and healing, and work with your energetic signature to help release negative emotions.
I’ll leave off with this: none of this is easy, it will require work and effort on your part. However, know this, YOU CAN DO IT. There will be many challenges on the way to becoming your best YOU, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t do this. I’ve said it for years now: “There’s the way things are, and the way we believe things should be. We cannot make things the way we believe they should be if we do not acknowledge things the way they are.” Knowing is half the battle (thanks G.I. Joe!), and once we know what our default settings are and where we stand we can begin to move forward from places that no longer serve us.